InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "ARGLEFARG!"

Lady Nilamarthiel (nilamarthiel) wrote,
@ 2009-01-22 04:31:00

Entry tags:

i suck, love love me

Being madly in love sucks.
Especially when you are not sure if that love is waning.

The problem with me is that whenever I "fall out of love" with somebody, I start to resent them for some reason or another.

I don't want to resent Joe.

I did it to Josh, and I really feel guilty about disliking him as I do. It ruined everything between us. Yeah, he screwed me over by toying with me, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't be friends after it all, right? I mean, we were friends before. It should be fine to just go back to the way it was before, and we try to make it work.

But we're both really awkward around each other, and it just doesn't work.

I don't want to complicate poor Joe's life any more than it is right now. FFFFHAHAHAHAHA AS IF I HAVE THAT KIND OF SIGNIFICANCE IN HIS LIFE. XD

But anyway, I'm going to do something very stupid today.

Like telling him how I feel.

How do I go about this? I never did this before. Bah. Bah bah bah.

(Post a new comment)

	__marcelo 2009-01-22 06:33 pm UTC (link)
	It's one of the most difficult things to do. Best of luck. (Reply to this) (Thread)

nilamarthiel
2009-01-23 09:12 pm UTC (link)

Strangely enough, it was really pretty anticlimactic. :|

I mean, I'm totally glad that he didn't freak out, and I love that he gave me a hug, but I had a lot to say, and this is how it went:

Joe: "So, uh, what did you want to talk to me about? I mean, Jeanette and I are fine, we're cool. We're fine. So."

Erin: "Oh, um, I know. This is off that topic. Or. Well. On subject, but it's. Not about that -- um. I mean that." *sigh/fidget* "I've... been keeping my mouth shut for about four months now, since October, and I wanted to say that. I like you."

Joe: "I like you too--?"

Erin: "--In fact, I'm kind of infatuated with you. And I know that nothing's going to become of it, I know better, but I really needed to tell you. And this is mine. This is my time."

Joe: "Yeah, this is your moment. This can be yours." *hug/smile*

Erin: "I just... I just wanted to be Erin Fonville. For once."

Joe: "Yeah, I still need to be Joe VanWagner." *rueful smile*

Erin: "Right, so. Anyway. I just... needed to tell you."

END SCENE.

I had so much to say. I had so much planned out to say. And then there was that. There was no real turndown [though his last "line" is pretty obvious], but he was really nice to me afterwards. Boys are strange.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	__marcelo 2009-01-23 09:26 pm UTC (link)
	That went very smoothly. I'm glad, I guess, although it sure is frustrating when you have a lot of things to say you didn't have the chance to. And of course I'm sorry it's unrequited. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nilamarthiel 2009-01-23 09:36 pm UTC (link)
	I really don't mind if it is unrequited, really. Because of his whole slew of strange relationships, I'm not sure if I want to be pulled into that. The best I can do is be his friend and keep him happy, yeah? XD (Reply to this) (Parent)